


Working Title for My First Fanfic

by abrasivepersonalitytendersoul



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-14
Updated: 2016-04-24
Packaged: 2018-05-26 14:54:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 14,170
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6244099
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrasivepersonalitytendersoul/pseuds/abrasivepersonalitytendersoul
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I have yet to come up with a title for this work.  I am open to suggestions.  Even though I am doing the writing, I would like to think of this as our work.  I'm also looking for a name for Mrs. Barba.</p>
<p>Rafael Barba and his wife of five years have been trying to have a baby and are close to giving up.  When their luck changes, it does not necessarily all change for the better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter One

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Probably because it was. After two years of trying to get pregnant, going to the fertility doctor seemed more and more like a chore than a necessary means to an end. Until yesterday, that is.

Rafael Barba and his wife of five years spent the first few hours of their morning waiting to see the best doctor in town. She admitted she had not been feeling well that morning, but then again, she rarely felt like herself on the days she went to see the doctor. Being Catholic and unable to conceive seemed like the worst possible combination. The Barbas were ushered back to an exam room. It had long been determined that Rafael’s swimmers were not the issue, but she also seemed perfectly normal. Nothing just seemed to be working for them. Mrs. Barba had the routine down pat: drop your pants, get in the stirrups, get disappointed—again. Dr. Fisk came in and sat down. As she began the examination, she asked the normal, invasive questions—when were you last intimate? Was there any pain? Have you noticed anything different since your last visit? The Barbas had not been intimate in over a month. They had read that sometimes the best avenue was relaxing and not trying so hard.

“Are you sure, Mrs. Barba?” Dr. Fisk asked, “I have a test I would like to run just to be sure.” She pulled a cup out of a drawer and directed Mrs. Barba to the restroom connected to the exam room. When she was done, Mrs. Barba set the sample on the counter and sat back down on the exam table. Rafael looked worried. He wanted to be a father so badly and she knew it. He had become more engrossed in his work in the past few months. He had caught some high profile cases, but it was also his distraction. The nurse came in, took the sample, and said it would be another ten minutes or so.

The Barbas did not speak much to each other. It was just better this way. Their love for each other never diminished since they started having problems, but two years was a long time and they were starting to get frustrated with the process. The minutes felt like hours. Mrs. Barba lost count of how many texts and calls her husband received. He was trying to be fully present while they were waiting, but rapists don’t convict themselves. Finally, Dr. Fisk came in. She sat down and explained what kind of test she had just run and that it came back positive.

“You mean—I’m—we’re?” asked Mrs. Barba.

“Yes ma’am! Congratulations!” exclaimed Dr. Fisk.

“Rafi! Did you hear that?! We are finally going to be parents!”

“Sí, mi amor! I can’t believe it!” Rafael nearly jumped through the window with excitement.

Dr. Fisk explained they needed to do an ultrasound right away to find out how far along Mrs. Barba was. From her initial examination, it looked as though she was about 14 weeks, but wanted to double check. The ultrasound showed Mrs. Barba was just shy of 14 weeks. The ultrasound tech said it would be another two weeks until they could determine the gender of the baby. He printed off a copy of the ultrasound and handed it to Rafael, who took out his wallet and put the pictures in it.

After a hearty round of congratulations, Rafael took his wife out to a late breakfast at their favorite spot. “Rafi, did that really just happen?” Mrs. Barba asked excitedly. “I’ve pinched myself four times in the last three minutes to make sure this wasn’t a dream! We’ve waited for this day for so long and now it is finally here! I feel like I’m floating!” He picked his wife up and spun her around. “Oh, I’m so sorry, did I hurt the baby?” She giggled. She loved seeing him so tender and fatherly so soon. She straightened her shirt, “I don’t think so. We’ll find out if you did when the baby is born. If it has a dent in his forehead, I’ll blame it on you.”

They spent the whole meal trying to figure out how to tell their friends and family. They decided they were going to do a group chat with their families tonight to tell them the news. Rafael had the biggest grin on his face—something his wife had not seen much of lately. He looked so happy, which made her happy, which made him happy. This made the baby happy. Mrs. Barba could feel the baby squirming from excitement inside her.

The moment was interrupted when Rafael’s phone rang. It was Olivia. The SVU detectives had become a second family to the Barbas. Mrs. Barba knew Olivia and Amanda were going to be thrilled to have another baby to have play dates with, and Sonny was going to be the most excited out of all the detectives over the new baby. If there is one thing Catholics have in common, it’s that they all lose their shit over babies. Fin was going to be excited too. He was just going to be less excited to show it. But when the time came, he was going to be the first to offer to teach the baby how to shoot a gun.

“I hate to cut this short, but I am needed at the precinct. The detectives caught their suspect and he won’t talk unless I can work out a deal.” Rafael looked disappointed he would have to leave his bride to go make a deal with someone who had stolen someone else’s baby. He got a pit in his stomach—what if that happened to him?

Shaking the thought from his head he said, “I’ll try to be home on time tonight.” He then kissed her more deeply and passionately than he had in a long time. He vowed to himself then and there he would never take her kisses for granted again. They went up and paid the bill and parted ways. Mrs. Barba was used to this happening, but couldn’t help but miss the father of her child as she walked to the subway station a block away. Her phone vibrated. She had a text from Rafael. It said, “Nunca me ha gustado más.” She smiled. She knew her baby was going to have the best father.


	2. Chapter Two

Rafael was in a daze for the entire walk to the precinct. He kept taking the ultrasound photos out of his wallet and looking at them. He was already in love. He secretly hoped it was going to be a girl. He remembered how much trouble he gave his mother when he was growing up and would never want to put his precious wife through such a thing. Cuban boys are just troublemakers.

He smirked at some of his childhood memories. He remembered putting instant mashed potatoes on the front lawn when it rained so his mother would think he had a snow day. A swift paddle to the backside proved to young Rafael that his mom was much smarter than he realized. Food was just never something you wasted in the Barba household. But that part of his life was behind him. He was the top A.D.A. in Manhattan and had the bank account to prove it. Rafael was looking forward to being able to invest his hard earned money into something so perfect. His dream of owning a yacht did not even matter anymore. Only the best for his child would suffice.

Rafael hit the button for the elevator to go up to the SVU squad room. It was time to put his game face on. The scumbag he was about to make a deal with had kidnapped three children in the dead of night. His reasoning? Those people had more than enough. They didn’t need a child too. Never mind that the families the children came from had ties to the Trapani Family. Rafael could feel his blood boiling. He really did not want to plead this guy down to a lesser charge, but perhaps he could dangle something so irresistible in front of him and then catch him in a loophole. If he could nail this guy, he might be able to bring down the whole family.

The elevator door opened and Sonny Carisi was standing there waiting for him. Sonny was always interesting to Rafael. He and Mrs. Barba had been friends since junior high and even went to their senior prom together. They said they were never more than friends, but sometimes there was a look in Sonny’s eye that said otherwise. Rafael wasn’t worried, though. He was the one who married her and is now having a baby with her. Sonny would be thrilled for them.

Rafael was led to the interrogation room where Franky J was being held. He claimed he knew nothing about it and that he had met the families at different local events and was asked to babysit. There was nothing to back the story up—no alibi, no witnesses, and no paper trail. The only thing Rafael could hope to do is sweet talk his way into making Franky J flip on his bosses. He had been given Mr. Buchannan as his legal counsel, who was determined to get a lesser charge in exchange for his client’s testimony against the Trapani Family followed by protective custody when he got out. It seemed like the best option, so Rafael called his assistant to draw up the paperwork and fax it to Buchannan’s office.

Rafael sent a text to his wife to let her know he would definitely be home on time tonight. He decided that he was going to take her out for a celebratory dinner. He also decided he was going to invite their parents so they could be told in person. He knew his mother would throw a fit if she was not told in person and Abuelita would turn over in her grave. As much as he loved his wife, he could not stand to upset his mother like that—he would never hear the end of it.

He saw the detectives were distracted for a moment so he made the calls to set everything up. Dinner at La Salle’s at 7. The Barbas and the Webers. He was lucky that both families got along so well.

He heard Amanda coming his way. She may look like a quiet southern belle, but she was anything but. He had seen her make grown men cry. That was his favorite part of interrogations.

“Counselor, I didn’t see you come in. How are things?” asked Amanda. She was close enough to Mrs. Barba to know they had a doctor’s appointment that morning, but had not heard from her yet. “Any luck?”

“Well actually-“

“What the hell happened in there, Barba?” Olivia was mad.

“He pled to a lesser charge in exchange for information that could put the whole Trapani Family away for life.”

“So he gets away with kidnapping, does a year at minimum security, and then leads a comfy life in hiding?”

Rafael knew she hated when this kind of stuff happens. This deal was for the greater good. It would only be a matter of time before Franky J got himself in trouble again. “Oliva, you need to trust me. We’ve been down this road before and came out on top. This guy is an idiot. He’ll be back here before you know it.”

“I know. But what if it had been Noah or Jesse?”

“Or my child?” Rafael interjected.

“WHAT THE HELL, BARBA?!” Here comes Hurricane Amanda. “WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL US?!”

“Tell us what?” asked Fin.

“BARBA IS HAVING A BABY!”

“Who said baby?!” Carisi poked his head around the corner. The guy had a radar for that word.

“Congratulations, man. My advice to you: start stocking up on whiskey. You’re going to need it after the baby is born.”

Fin was sincere, but Rafael secretly hoped he was kidding.

“How long have you known?” asked Olivia.

“About three hours. We had just found out when you called me in.”

“This is so exciting! I can’t believe we are getting another baby around here,” everyone knew Carisi was the baby man in the squad. He was a goofy guy so the kids loved him. He had gotten Noah hooked on Canolis, much to Olivia’s chagrin. But she figured it was better than being hooked on drugs.

“Do you know the gender yet? How far along is she? Do you need baby clothes?” Amanda had gone from category one to category five in about three seconds.

“We have an appointment in two weeks. She is just shy of 14 weeks. If we are having a girl, we would love to take a look at what you have.” Rafael knew buying baby things was not going to be a problem, but he wasn’t about to rub that in her face. Babies are expensive.

He looked at the clock. He was due in court in an hour and had not gotten a chance to prep. And he still needed to eat lunch. And he realized he had not had any coffee since he left the apartment this morning. That must be a new record for him.

“I’ve got court soon. We’ll have you guys over sometime this weekend, will that work? Bring the kids.”

The squad agreed and Rafael Barba walked back to courthouse. He was still on cloud nine.


	3. Chapter Three

Mrs. Barba made it home just in time to make it to the bathroom.  She was excited to be pregnant and all, but not for the vomiting.  She looked down and saw she had gotten her favorite shirt messy.  Fantastic. 

After she finished throwing up, she put together a load of laundry, started it, and headed for the shower.  As the warm water ran over her, she couldn’t stop herself from getting goosebumps from the excitement.  A baby.  She was finally pregnant.  Ever since she and Rafael had gotten engaged, they knew they wanted to have a family.  They wanted to wait a few years and enjoy being with and learning to live with each other.  Rafael was definitely her soul mate, but she seriously doubted it sometimes when he would come home in lawyer mode after a tough case and be argumentative.  Usually a quiet night in brought him back to her.  She wondered what a quiet night in would look like in a matter of months.  She chuckled at the thought of Rafael yelling, “Objection!” when the baby would start crying.  Hopefully the baby’s first word would be, “Overruled”.

She started feeling a little light headed when she got out of the shower.  She headed into the bedroom and found Rafael’s Harvard hoodie and sweatpants.  She didn’t care if they were dirty, they smelled like him so they were perfect.  She put them on and laid down until the room stopped spinning.

She must have fallen asleep because the next thing she knew, Rafael was home and changing out of his work clothes.  She felt him lay down next to her so she rolled over and met his gaze. 

“Hi, Rafi.  How did things go today?” she asked sleepily. 

He planted a tender kiss on her forehead.  “It could not have been more perfect, darling.  I could have been shot in the foot and it still would have been the best day of my life.”

“Rafael Barba!  Don’t say such things!  I worry about you enough all day as it is.  You make plenty of people angry on a daily basis and I couldn’t stand the thought of you getting hurt.”  She snuggled in closer to him. 

He cleared some hair away from her face.  “Lo siento, mi amor.  You really shouldn’t worry.  I am safe.  The only way I might get shot in the foot is if Sonny-“

“Say no more.  He’s a good cop, but sometimes he gets a little excited.  You should have seen him in gym class in high school.  He was like a rabbit who peed himself.”

They laughed at the thought of Sonny peeing his pants.  Rafael thought he was going to when he found out they were having a baby.

They laid in bed for the next half hour talking and laughing and just being with each other.  It hadn’t been like this for a long time. 

Rafael sat up.  “I have a surprise for you, but you need to get up and get dressed.”

“Where are we going?  How dressed should I get?”

“You know I really like what you’re wearing now or nothing at all, but neither of those will be appropriate for La Salle’s,” he said with a smirk.

She slapped him on the arm.  “You’re awful, Rafi.  Just for that, you can have your clothes back.”  She slipped out of the sweatpants and hoodie and threw them at her husband.  She saw her bathrobe nearby and put that on.

Rafael was already on the move.  He wrapped her up in his arms and kissed her.  Her smile melted into his kiss as she wrapped her arms around his neck.  He moved his hand to untie her robe.

“Rafi…La Salle’s,” she said breathlessly, “This is not helping me get dressed.  Can we pick this up later tonight?  We’re getting hungry.”

“Do you even need to ask?  I can barely control myself when you’re making coffee.  Besides, I want to make sure I have ample time to love.  Every.  Inch.  Of.  You.”  His last few words were accentuated by loving kisses across her collarbone.  Something he knew would work for her every time.

She wiggled free of his grasp.  “Get out!  I need to cool off before we go.  And I know just what to wear.” 

He grabbed his clothes and went into the bathroom.  He hadn’t been shooed out of his bedroom since the night before they got married.  Even then, he forgot his boxers, not that it would have mattered less than 24 hours after the fact.  Going commando on his wedding day gave him such a confidence boost, that he was certain he gave the best performance of his life that night.  He even tried it in the courtroom a few times.  He won every case he went commando in and he mostly attributed that to his skills as a prosecutor, but he also believed it was what he chose not to wear.  He does it for every high profile case. 

Knowing who was going to be at the dinner made him double check for his boxers.  He was wearing them.  After what just transpired with his wife, he needed the extra layer of protection.  He poked his head in the door and told her their parents were going to be there as well. 

She seemed elated.  Deep down inside, she knew telling her parents in person was the right thing to do.  And they only lived in Staten Island.  Video chatting seemed like a good idea at the time. 

Mrs. Barba came out of their room and Rafael’s jaw hit the floor.  She was wearing his favorite green dress.  Now he knew he was going to have trouble controlling himself at dinner.  She looked absolutely stunning.  He helped her put her jacket on, she grabbed her purse, and they left for dinner.


	4. Chapter Four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is weak. I've been procrastinating on writing it because I didn't know how to put everything together. I promise to try make the upcoming chapters better.

The drive to the restaurant was pleasant.  The Barbas talked about all things baby.  It was decided that the spare bedroom Rafael had been using as an office was going to be the baby’s room.  He was more than willing to give it up—it gave him the motivation to get things done at the office on time so he could spend the evenings with his growing family.  They were going to go shopping for some baby essentials over the weekend.  Mrs. Barba suggested they start buying a pack of diapers whenever they go grocery shopping now, so that they have a nice stockpile for a while after the baby is born.

Rafael had forgotten about the diaper part of having a baby.  He had a hard time with poop.  In working with SVU, he had seen a lot of babies and young children and they were all pooping machines.  He had to throw out many a pair of shoes due to poop and vomit and God knows what else oozing out of the children.  Was he ready for fatherhood?  Should he invest in a daddy wardrobe?  A haz mat suit?  Would the baby need to sleep in a decompression chamber? 

There goes a clean home.  He had been to Olivia’s and Amanda’s apartments enough times to know that snot ends up in places you didn’t know existed.  They seemed to be surviving.  But they deal with grotesque crime scenes on a daily basis.  Snot doesn’t faze them.  He knew he was going to get over it once he saw his child, but he was still grossed out.

The conversation died down for a second and Mrs. Barba checked her phone.  She had been so overwhelmed by morning sickness when she returned home from breakfast that she hadn’t checked her phone all day.  She had 14 missed calls from Sonny and Amanda, one from work, three texts from Rafi, nine texts from Amanda, and thirteen texts from Sonny.  Did those SVU detectives ever work?

She checked the voicemail work left for her.  They wanted to know how the doctor’s appointment went.  She couldn’t wait to get to work in the morning and tell them.  It had become understood that when Mrs. Barba went to the fertility doctor, she took the whole day off, but her friends at work always wanted to know how it went. 

By now they had pulled up to the restaurant.  Rafael gave the keys to the valet and helped his wife out of the car.  When they got inside, they spotted his mother and her parents.  They walked over to their table and sat down.  “Hola, Mamí. ¿Cómo estás?  Gracias por venir.”  There was something about seeing his mother that always pulled the Spanish out of him.  Sometimes it felt like he was just showing off, but he didn’t care.  Speaking Spanish was like having a secret language, even if it wasn’t all that secret to others. 

Carl and Analiese Weber greeted their daughter.  Analiese had an idea of what might be happening, but she kept her musings to herself.  She had a knack for these things.  Her own mother had been a midwife in Germany when she was growing up.  Carl thought the kids were getting divorced.  If so, he was going to rip that man a new one.  No one hurts his little angel.  Mrs. Barba greeted Mom Barba.

After everyone had ordered, things were quiet.  Rafael and Mrs. Barba had not really come up with a plan on how to tell their parents other than in person.  Mom Barba was enjoying spending time with her son.  She hardly got to see him anymore.  Mrs. Weber was on the edge of her seat and Mr. Weber was wondering why they hadn’t been given any information.  He felt his worst suspicions being confirmed. 

Mrs. Barba was the first to speak up.  “You are probably wondering what is going on and why we wanted to have dinner on such short notice.”  The parents looked at her.  They looked relieved that they were finally getting an idea of what was happening.

She continued, “Well, we have big news for you.”  She grabbed her husband’s hand and he gave her a reassuring squeeze.  She looked at him and he had a huge smile on his face. 

“We’re pregnant!” 

Analiese nearly flipped the table.  “Oh my baby! I am so happy for you.  I knew it!”

Mom Barba was crying tears of joy.  She knew her son wanted to be a father, but she wanted to be an abuelita even more.

Carl breathed a sigh of relief.  He leaned over and shook Rafael’s hand.  “Congratulations, son.  You’ve taken good care of my daughter.  I’m sure you are going to take even better care of my grandchild.”

“Actually dad, your grandchildren,” Mrs. Barba chimed in.

“Wait, what?”  Rafael was confused.  He pulled out the ultrasound pictures from his wallet.  He couldn’t tell what he was looking at, but the doctor had definitely made it sound like there was only one in there.

“I didn’t tell you because I wanted it to be a surprise for everyone.  The doctor called me on my way home from breakfast this morning and said they saw two babies on the ultrasound.  We’re having twins!”

Rafael felt his stomach drop.  He was excited, there was no doubt about it, but twins?  He had faced child molesters and murderers in court and didn’t bat an eye, but the thought of having twins scared the living shit out of him.

“Rafi?  Are you okay?” Mrs. Barba asked. 

“I’m fine, darling.  Perfect.”  He leaned over and kissed her head.  He looked down again at the ultrasound pictures.  He couldn’t see it, but he was looking at his twins.  He was already so in love.

He handed the pictures off to his mother.  She kept crying and saying, “Dios mio.” 

Analiese and Carl were on the verge of tears.  They understood this journey all too well.  “Have you told Sonny yet, dear?” asked Analiese.  She and Sonny’s mom were still close and couldn’t wait to tell her the news. 

“I told him and his squad today.  It just kind of slipped out.  Plus, he just knows the scent of baby talk,” Rafael said, “I wanted you guys to be the first to know.  I’m sorry.”

The parents looked at each other.  They understood.  When you first find out you’re having a child, you want to rent a billboard and tell the world. 

After they had eaten, they sat around the table and talked about pregnancy and what to expect.  Mrs. Barba had read nearly every book out about pregnancy, but she knew experiencing it was going to be another story.  She was thankful she had two amazing women to share her experience with. 


	5. Chapter Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is still weak, but not as weak as the previous one. If I can stop writing in circles, things are going to pick up soon.

The next morning came way too quickly.  They had been up much later than they should have, but they didn’t care.  After dinner, the night evolved from talking about baby things to a hot, passionate love-making session that was long overdue. 

Rafael was woken up by his wife’s morning sickness.  He knew it was a part of pregnancy, but he still felt bad.  Technically he was the one that put her in this position.  He got out of bed and went to the linen closet.  He threw a clean towel in the dryer, grabbed a washcloth and got it wet.  He walked into the bathroom and sat on the edge of the tub next to his wife.  He wiped her face and mouth.  Even in the midst of the sweat and vomit, she was still as beautiful as the day they first met. 

He wrapped his arms around her and she began to cry.  Rafael held his bride.  He knew this was far from over, but he was going to be there every step of the way.  He reached behind him and started the shower.  He kissed her gently on the forehead and helped her get in.  He offered to lay her clothes out for work while she was in the shower.  After a short protest, she told him what she wanted to wear.  He pulled it out and laid it on the bed.  A few minutes later, the shower water stopped running.  He got the towel out of the dryer, took it to his wife, and wrapped her up in it. 

He went out into the kitchen and started a pot of coffee.  He had only been up for twenty minutes or so and he was already running low on energy.  He took a quick shower and got dressed.  Mrs. Barba was just about ready.  They still had 10 minutes to spare.  They decided to stop for bagels down the street from the subway station where they parted ways for the day. 

On the ride into work, Mrs. Barba would often catch up on her reading.  Today was different.  She was going to have to find a different way to pass the time each morning on the way to work.  She closed her eyes and began making mental notes of things she was going to need to do to prepare for the baby.  Based on the timing, the baby would come about a week after school let out for the summer, so she didn’t have to worry about that right now.  She and Rafael had already decided to start buying diapers now, so hopefully they could go a few weeks without making that purchase.  But with twins, that might be luxurious thinking.

The things she was really looking forward to—buying clothes, picking names, decorating the nursery—those things would have to wait another two weeks.  She and Rafael might need to purchase another vehicle.  His car would be fine for a while, but babies grow quickly.  An SUV might be in the works. 

She started to feel uneasy.  Was she ready for this?  She had wanted to be a parent ever since she was a little girl, but now that it was really happening, she wasn’t so sure.  Would she be a good mom?  What if she couldn’t protect her children?  It had become an unspoken rule that the spouses and children of those on the SVU team were always going to have their backs covered by the squad.  It was like a crime-fighting family.  She knew she had the best support system anyone could ask for.  She chastised herself for thinking she couldn’t do it. 

Mrs. Barba walked the few blocks to the school she taught at.  Being the wife of one of the top ADAs in New York had opened plenty of doors to teaching opportunities at nice, expensive, private schools, but her heart was at Roosevelt-Central High School.  Inner city kids needed someone like Mrs. Barba to push them to do well in life.  Rafael thought she was crazy to stay at R-C, but he knew better than to stop her from doing what she loved, where she loved.

She walked to her classroom and set her things down.  Judging by the way her desk looked, the sub from yesterday didn’t do much.  Slightly frustrated, she walked to the school office.  She knew she had mail waiting for her as well as a donut with her name on it.  She normally wouldn’t have a bagel and a donut, but pregnancy does strange things to people.

When she got to the office, the other teachers and staff members were eagerly waiting for her.  They had all hoped her appointment went well.  Despite the usual outcome, they were always supportive of her and so encouraging. 

“Well?” asked the secretary.   

Mrs. Barba smiled and simply said, “Twins.”

The teachers couldn’t hold their excitement in.  They had been rooting for her from the beginning.  Just then, the first bell rang.  The doors were open for students who wanted to come in early and get extra help with their schoolwork.  Everyone hurried back to their classrooms. 

The students could tell something was different with Mrs. Barba.  They had also come to learn what happened when she would take a day off from work.  During first period, the truth came out.  By lunch, the whole school knew.  Everyone was happy for her.  She was a cornerstone to the school.  So many students had gone to college because of her.  One of her former students was interning with the Narcotics ADA and had met Rafael a few times in the elevator.  These babies were going to be the pride of Roosevelt-Central High.

The rest of the day flew by quickly.  When the students had gone home, she packed up her belongings, double checked to make sure she had all the papers she needed to grade over the weekend and headed home.  She was looking forward to a quiet night in, but knew that wasn’t happening this evening.


	6. Chapter Six

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm working on chapter seven right now and it picks up a little more there. I keep writing in circles, but this chapter has some important groundwork. Please keep reading.

A week later, everything was still a blur.  The Barbas were still accepting the news.  Some days it didn’t seem possible and other days it was all too real.

“You know, we won’t be able to do this very often once the baby is born,” Mrs. Barba said as she straightened her husband’s bow tie.  “Or at least, I won’t be able to.”  She stepped away so Rafael could get one last look at his tuxedo before the car arrived to take them to the mayor’s birthday party gala.  

“I will miss it though, your butt looks fantastic in those pants, Counselor.”

“Why thank you, my love.  Everything about you looks fantastic in that dress.”  He moved to steal a kiss from his bride.

Galas were very important to the Barbas.  After all, they met at one.  It was a fundraising event for Roosevelt-Central.  Mrs. Barba, who was then Ms. Weber, had been put in charge of the festivities.  The school was in danger of closing down, but some major people in the district were able to rally support from major donors.  The District Attorney was one of these benefactors.  He had attended the school and felt other students needed what the school could offer, if given the opportunity.   The DA invited all of his ADAs.  Rafael was working on an extremely tough case with SVU at the time and decided he needed a break.  Besides, he was never one to deny himself an opportunity to dress up and be extra dapper.

He had been at the bar ordering himself a scotch, when a beautiful lady appeared next to him to ask for a donation to the school.  They ended up talking for an hour before Rafael cut a check.  Still enthralled by her beauty and dedication to her students, he asked her to dance.  The dance led to a date and two years later, they were getting married.  His only regret was that he didn’t marry her sooner.

Rafael’s phone chimed.  “The car will be here in 10 minutes.  In the meantime, I have something for you.”

“Rafi, I don’t think there’s time for  _ that _ .  Not to say I don’t want to because, in all honesty, I’ve really been craving you.  It’s taking all my strength to keep from having you right now,” she said.

Very rarely was Rafael left speechless.  He had heard his wife say some dirty things while in the heat of the moment, but this, for some reason was the hottest thing she had ever said.  “Not to ignore what you said—let’s come back to that one later.  But I wanted to get you something to commemorate your pregnancy.”  He walked to his dresser and pulled out the drawer.  He fished around for a small, velvet box.  He handed it to her and she opened it.  

“Mein Gott, Rafi!” she exclaimed.  He had bought her a gorgeous silver bracelet.  It was simple, but beautiful.  Just like her style.  He knew her so well.  “You didn’t have to do this.  Thank you so much.”  She kissed him and put the bracelet on.  

“I wanted to do something nice for you since you are doing something so nice for me,” he said with a smile.  He had so much love in his heart for her he hoped she could see it in his eyes.  She could have sworn she felt the babies kick.

 

The car arrived a few minutes later and they were on their way to the gala.  Rafael wasn’t always on board with the mayor politically, but he had been a year ahead of Rafael at Harvard and they became friends.  Plus, there were people there that could open doors for him in the future if he wanted.  

“Is it only seven-thirty?” asked Mrs. Barba, “I’m exhausted.”

“Do you want to go back home for the evening?”

“No, Rafi.  You need to be at this event and I promised to be by your side no matter what.”

“I don’t think social events were included in our vows, but if you think you can do it, we’ll go.”

“I’ll be fine, Counselor.”  She laid her head on his shoulder and he pulled her closer to him.  He kissed her hair and they rode in silence all the way to the gala.

 

The gala was supposed to be relatively small.  Or at least as small as a party involving politicians can be.  There were still over 100 guests in attendance.  If someone had the pocketbook to contribute to a political campaign, they were there.  As much as the Barbas were not opposed to being in that same tax bracket, they often spent time the next few days making fun of some of the people in attendance.  They both came from humble beginnings and watching rich people talk about their financial portfolios, while incredibly boring, makes for some interesting impersonations.

Thankfully, there was always dancing.  It was Rafael’s favorite part of the night.  After all, he got to dance with the most beautiful woman in the room.  He got to hold her tight and show the other men how to treat their lady.  His mom made sure he knew how.  She wasn’t raising a savage.

While they were in the receiving line, people were coming up to them and congratulating Mrs. Barba on her pregnancy.  Many of the women in attendance were past their childbearing years and loved when there was word of a baby.  They may be snooty and rich, but they were still grandmothers at heart.

They finally got up to the mayor and his wife.  There was a photographer to take pictures of people as they spoke with the mayor and a couple others throughout the building to capture the evening.  There was a long line behind them, so the Barbas made the professional amount of small talk and moved on.  They went up to the bar.  Rafael ordered a scotch and Mrs. Barba got sparkling grape juice.

More people were coming up to chat with them.  News travelled fast in politics.  Rafael usually couldn’t stand that, but this was different.  He was getting acknowledged for something outside of the courtroom.  In the end, he understood that this was his wife’s moment though.  It took him nine seconds to make the twins, but it is taking her nine months to accomplish the same feat.  She was the one going through all the physical changes.  He just had to be there for the delivery and late night food runs.

Mrs. Barba noticed a change in the music tempo.  It didn’t take much convincing, but she got Rafael out on the dance floor.  She loved dancing with him.  He was dominant yet gentle and graceful.  It was like dancing with a cloud.  Even after being together for seven years, she loved being close to him.  Apparently the babies did too.  This time she knew she could feel the babies kicking.  

“Rafael, the babies are kicking.”

“They are?  Can I feel?”  His face didn’t do his excitement justice.

“Give me your hands.”

She placed his hands on her belly.  They seemed to stop for a second, but she reassured him they would start again soon.  Then he felt it.  He sank to his knees.  His babies were saying hello to him.  He started to tear up as he kissed her belly.  He didn’t care who was watching.  He had never been more in love.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. Things are picking up.  
> 2\. Mrs. Barba has a name!  
> 3\. Still looking for a title for this.

The Barbas didn't leave their apartment all weekend. Either Mrs. Barba was having morning sickness or she and Rafael were having nonstop sex and cuddles.  Other than take out, the only thing they were eating were each other's genitals.  By Monday morning, they had gotten used to their spontaneous weekend plan and reluctantly says goodbye until that evening.

Rafael walked into his office, coffee in hand, and started playing his voicemail messages. He was officially sentencing the Franky J this morning, and he didn’t review the case file like he intended-but he also wasn’t complaining. 

“Good morning, Mr. Barba.  Here’s your newspaper,” said his assistant, Carmen.

“Thank you.  Will you hold my calls until after court this morning?  I need to prep for the trial,” Rafael said as he let out a stifled yawn.

“I will do that.  Do you need anything else?” asked Carmen.

“Not right now, but I will let you know.”

He sat down and started flipping through the file.  This seemed pretty open and shut.  Franky J had agreed to the deal, so there wasn’t going to be much left to chance.  He closed the file and went to put it in his briefcase.  Court was in 45 minutes, so he decided to take it easy and read the paper and drink his coffee.  

The paper was filled with the same things as always.  Murder.  Rain.  Political Corruption.  Crosswords.  Rafael was smart, but not New York Times Crossword Puzzle smart.  He left those to his wife.  By the time he was finished with that paper, he had 15 minutes to get to the courthouse.  Plenty of time.  His cell phone rang.  It was his wife.

“Hola, mi amor.  ¿Comó estás?”

“Rafi, don’t speak to me in Spanish right now.  I don’t like being turned on in front of the students.”

“Lo siento, mi reina.  Did you make it to work okay?”

“I did.  I just had a few minutes to spare and I wanted to tell you that I missed you and I love you.  You’re going to do great in court today.  You’re Rafael Fucking Barba, the best ADA in New York.  I am so proud of you.”

“Thank you.  And you are going to do great today too.  Those kids are going to pass their test today because they have the best teacher in the state.”

“How did I get so lucky to have someone like you?”

“I think the better question is: How did I get so lucky to have someone like you carrying my children?  I don’t know what I did to deserve you, but I’m going to keep doing it because I can’t live without you.”  His heart was pounding.  He wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his arms and never let her go.  “I have to go to court now, love.  Te adoro.”

“Goodbye, Rafi.  Ich liebe dich.”

He loved it when she spoke German.  It didn’t happen very often, but the use of her first language always implied extra meaning to whatever she said.  He was excited that his children were going to be trilingual.  They would be getting job offers left and right when they were old enough.

Court didn’t last very long.  Rafael stopped at a flower shop just down from his office and sent flowers to his wife.  She deserved anything and everything; and he was going to do everything he could to give her just that and then some.  

When he got back to the office, Carmen had already left for her lunch.  Taking advantage of the alone time he had, he got caught up on some organizing and filing.  Things were surprisingly slow for him today and he knew he was going to pay for it later in the week.

As he was moving a stack of papers to his filing cabinet, he noticed an envelope under his desk calendar.  He put the papers down and pulled it out from its trapping.  His jaw dropped at what he saw.  There was a note.  It read, 

 

“ _ Back off or you won’t have a family to go home to. _ ” 

 

Without hesitation, he called Liv and asked her to come to his office as soon as possible.

It seemed like forever until she got there.  His mind was racing.  He couldn’t stay focused on anything.  He was used to things like this, but he wasn’t used to things like this at the same time.  Not when it involved people so close to him.

“Barba, what’s going on?”  she didn’t waste any time in getting to the point.  She could tell from his voice that something was up.

He couldn’t speak.  He just handed her the envelope and walked over to the window.  

“How did they get these?” Liv asked gently.

“I don’t know.  We spent all weekend together.  Friday night until this morning.  We never left each other’s side.  Normally I wouldn’t get worked up about this, but they’re threatening Helena and the twins.”

“Did you say anything to her yet?”

“No.  I just found it when I came back from court.”

“You need to check on her and make sure she is safe.  Do you want me to send a car to the school?”

“Please do.  Can you send Sonny?  I don’t want her to think anything is wrong and I don’t want to put that kind of stress on her and the twins.”

Olivia called Sonny.  He was more than happy to oblige.  He would sometimes have lunch with his best friend at the school.  She wouldn’t suspect a thing.

“Sonny is on his way over.  He will update us in half an hour,”  Olivia had a bit of relief in her voice.  

This made Rafael feel a little better, but he still felt sick.  He had received threats before-it was part of the job.  But threats to his wife and children?  No.  That wasn’t going to get anyone very far.  

Trying to remain strong he said, “Who would be stupid enough to threaten an ADA like this?”  He flipped over the paper and saw it.  Now it all made sense.  The monogrammed ‘T’ gave it away.  

Rafael knew going after the Trapani was dangerous business, so he should have seen something like this happening.  He felt like an idiot.  


	8. Chapter Eight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This started out as a filler chapter to get my brains rolling again, but then everything exploded.

Sonny quietly entered the back of Helena's German class. He would try to blend in and see how long it would take her to notice he was there. She had her back turned, but before he could sit down, she said,”You're late, Mr. Carisi.” 

 

“I'm sorry, Mrs. Barba. I just really didn't want to be here,” he played back. “I met this cute girl on the way to class and I needed to get her name.”

 

“Mr. Carisi, I don't need to know your… Extracurricular activities, but I do need you to get to class on time and not cause a scene.”

 

“Look, teach, I'm here now. Let's not dwell on the past. Please, continue,” he laid on his thickest Staten Island accent.

 

“Dominick Carisi, don't make me call your mother.”

 

He threw his hands up in defeat. Playful banter it not, Ma Carisi was a force to be reckoned with.

 

The students laughed and made fun of His Royal Tardiness. They were used to Sonny. He was like an uncle to them. The cool one. It wasn't uncommon for newer students to think they were married. They were a great example of how a man and a woman could be just friends.

 

Class ended a short time later and Sonny walked up to Helena's desk. Neither one of them had changed much since high school. Sonny's hair was still shalacked the same way and Helena's sassy and caring demeanor never changed. It's probably why she was the only woman who could love Rafael the way she does. 

 

“Want to get some lunch? I hear they figured out what was so mysterious about the meat,” asked Sonny.

 

“Is that the kind of mystery my tax dollars are paying you to solve, detective?”

 

“It's freelance work, genius.”

 

“Well I was going to suggest getting a sandwich from across the street, but if you're so attached to your meat…”

 

“Hey now, there's no need to bring up my meat, thank you very much. A sandwich sounds great.”

 

This was Helena's favorite part about their friendship. They have played off each other so well for so long, it's no wonder people mistook them for a bickering married couple.

 

They paid for their food and sat down. Helena knew something was up. Pregnancy gave her hormones for this stuff. 

“Did Liv send you or Rafael?” she asked.

 

“Liv. At Raf’s request.”

 

“Dommy, don't play NYPD with me. I know when something's up.”

 

“Why do you think something is going on? I visit you at work all the time.”

 

“Not two weeks in a row. Besides, you know who I'm married to. I think like him.”

 

“Hel, that must be awful.”

 

“You're just jealous. I see the way you two make googly eyes at each other. Everyone knows about your bromance. Now tell me.”

 

“Do you remember that time in 10th grade when Sister Agnes had to abruptly leave the school?”

 

“Yeah. There were riots in the hallways and most of our class boycotted Algebra II until the school threatened to suspend us.”

 

“Good. I just wanted to remind you that it was your fault I failed that midterm.”

 

“You're avoiding the issue, Sonny.”

 

“I really don't know. I got a call from-”

********

Rafael’s phone rang. It was Helena. She was hysterical.

 

“What's going on? Calm down, cariño. What's happening?” He was trying not to let the panic rise in his voice.

 

“It's Sonny. One minute we were just having lunch and the next minute I feel something and he is standing above me pointing a gun somewhere behind where I was sitting.”

 

“Are you hurt?”

 

“No, but the ambulance is taking me to the hospital to check the babies. Sonny got shot in the arm, but I don't think it's bad. But I don't know. Rafi, I'm scared. “

 

“I know, baby. Where are they taking you? I can be there before you get there.”

 

“I don't know. I just want to rest. Rafi, I-”

 

He could hear the paramedic in the background telling her to stay with them because she hit her head.

 

“Helena, give the phone to the paramedic.”

 

“Hello? This is Anthony.” He sounded nice, but that was beside the point now.

 

“Anthony, this is Rafael Barba, Manhattan SVU Assistant District Attorney. You are transporting my wife and twins. You need to tell me right now where you are taking her. I will be coming with my detectives who will want to know everything. I promise you, that if there is even the slightest inconsistency in what you tell me or them, you will have the full force of the Manhattan Special Victim’s Unit and the District Attorney’s Office on your ass.”

 

“Mr. Barba, I don't know the extent of your wife's injuries. We are taking her to St. Luke's in the West Side. You can meet us there.”

 

Rafael ended the call and threw it on the desk. He grabbed his coat and he left, nearly locking Olivia in his office. She had just gotten a call from Amanda saying Carisi had been shot and was headed to surgery, also at St. Luke's.

 

“I'll drive!” She yelled after him. 


	9. Chapter Nine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it's taken so long to add a chapter! I was torn with where I could go from here.

The drive to St. Luke’s was a blur.  Rafael tried to hold back tears, but that lasted until they got in the car.  He had been scared before.  But not like this.

 

Olivia flipped the lights and sirens on her squad car.  Helena was the one person in her life that this job had not affected and now that came crashing down.  Whoever did this was going to have to deal with her when they were done with Rafael.  If there was anything left of them.  

 

Of course she was worried about her detective and would make sure there was hell to pay for that as well.  Sonny had become like brother to her.  Noah loved him.  He was family.

 

The car was quiet, except for Rafael’s sobs.  Helena didn’t deserve this.  The twins didn’t deserve this.  He kept going over if there had been any warning signs before today that maybe he missed.  What if he could have gotten her out of harm’s way before this happened.  

 

Liv had barely stopped the car before Rafael got out.  He ran through the doors of the Emergency Room and asked the first person in scrubs about where his wife was.  He was directed to the charge nurse who quickly escorted him to Trauma Bay Four.  His heart nearly stopped when he saw her.

 

Helena was hooked up to all sorts of monitors.  Some were checking her vital signs and others were checking the babies.  Her face was stained with tears and she was fighting to hold more back.  There were cuts and bruises up and down her arms and a gash in her shoulder from where the bullet that hit Sonny grazed her.

 

Rafael rushed to her side and grabbed her hand.  He placed kisses all over her face and she began to weep.  He wiped the tears away with his thumb and kissed her hand.  After a few minutes, Helena composed herself and started breathing normally again.  Having her Rafael with her was enough to keep her calm.

 

“Helena, what happened?”  Rafael asked, trying to hold his own tears back.

 

“I was told not to talk about it until the cops showed up,” she said shakily.

 

“Honey, I’m a lawyer.  And Liv is on her way in.  Please, tell me what happened.”

 

“We were just sitting there having lunch, when there was a scuffle.  Sonny had leapt across the table and knocked me to the floor.  My head started hurting, but I fell on my stomach so I was more worried about the babies.  Rafi, I’m so sore, but they won’t give me anything for the pain, and they won’t tell me anything about how the babies are doing.  I’m so scared.”

 

“I know, mi amor.  I don’t want to leave you.  I’m not letting you out of my sight.  I promise we are going to catch the person who did this and they will never see the light of day again.”

 

“Rafi, please calm down.  Where’s Sonny?”

 

“He is on his way to surgery.  I’m not sure where he was hit.  Liv should know more by now.”

 

There was a knock on the door.  It was the doctor.

 

“Hello, Mrs. Barba.  I’m Dr. Ferguson.  I hear you were involved in a scuffle.  Why don’t you tell me what happened?”

 

“I think it should be pretty obvious.  Doctor.”  Rafael shot an icy look to the medicine man.  No one was going to trivialize what happened to his dear Helena.

 

“You’re the husband?” Dr. Ferguson asked.

 

“And father of the twins.  And her attorney.”

 

“Rafael, stop.  He’s only trying to help.”

 

“You were nearly killed, Helena!  I don’t take that very lightly.”

 

“I know, but lashing out is not how we are going to get to the bottom of this.”

 

“Mr. Barba, I understand you are upset, but I need you to keep calm for Mrs. Barba’s sake.  I’ve called the gynecologist listed on her medical records.  She should be here soon to evaluate the babies.  Right now though, I need to take a look at her injuries.  I don’t think we are going to need anything more than a few stitches for her shoulder, but I want to make sure.”

 

“I’m sorry.  Please go on,” Rafael said, feeling a little embarrassed, but at least the doctor was understanding.  “Helena, I’m going to go find Liv to get an update on Sonny.”

  
“Thank you, Raf.  


	10. Chapter Ten

It broke his heart to leave Helena alone with the doctor.  She needed to be with him.  Or maybe he needed to be with her.  That line was a little blurry right now.  What was clear was that Helena needed to know how Sonny was doing.  He found Liv with the charge nurse.  Amanda and Fin were with her.

 

“Do you have any news on Detective Carisi?”

 

“He’s still in surgery.  He was shot in the arm.  It wasn’t life threatening, but he lost a lot of blood,” Amanda said.  Her eyes were full of concern.  Sonny had become close to Amanda and Jesse.  There were times Rafael questioned how close they were, but that was the smallest of issues right now.

 

“He still has at least another hour of surgery.  They have to get his blood supply back up before they can move him to recovery,” Fin added.

 

“How’s Helena?” Liv asked.  Rafael’s face looked a little more relaxed knowing Sonny was at least in surgery.  The hardest part was going to be telling his wife.

 

“She’s scared, but she’s trying to be brave and calm for the babies.  The doctor called her gyno.”

 

“Is she still on the floor?  Can we go see her?”  Amanda asked.  

 

“Yeah.  She’s in Trauma Bay Four.  Follow me.”

 

He led them to her room.  The doctor had left and she was laying there, trying to remain calm.  

 

“How is he?” She asked, shooting her head up.  She winced in pain.  Rafael rushed to her side.

 

“Mi amor, don’t move too quickly. You don’t want to make it worse.”

 

“I’ll be fine, Rafael.  I’m more worried about Sonny than my shoulder.”

 

“He’s in surgery.  It’s going to be an hour or so before we know anything else,” Amanda said.

 

Helena laid her head back down.  “They aren’t telling me anything, Rafi.  I’m scared for the babies.”

 

“I know, mi amor.  Just try to be still.  The doctor will be here soon.”

 

“I’ll go check and see,” Fin said.  He needed to do something before he went crazy.

 

Amanda pulled a chair up to the bed.  “Helena, can you tell me what happened?”

 

“Detective, I don’t think now is a good time.  She-” Rafael started.

 

“Rafael, I love you, but shut up.  I can tell her.  Go take a walk,” Helena gave him a soft gaze, but she meant business.

 

“Honey, I can’t just leave you here.”

 

“This is literally the safest room in the hospital.  If someone came in here to hurt me, you would just deposition them to death.  At least Liv and Amanda can shoot them.” 

 

Rafael rolled his eyes.  She had a point, but leaving her was the last thing he wanted.  He felt like he was the only one who could keep her safe.  How dare someone hurt an ADA’s family?  They must be a special kind of stupid.

 

“I’ll be back in a few minutes.  Liv, will you let me know if the doctor comes in?”

 

“Yeah.  Go, Rafael.”

 

He stepped into the hall and found the nearest chair.  He sat down and put his head in his hands.  The last hour and a half was a blur.  How could everything have seemed perfect one minute and in a matter of seconds everything had changed?  His mind started running over what the next steps were going to be.  Helena was going to have to go into protective custody.  He wasn’t going to have it any other way.  She wouldn’t put up with that.  He found himself next to a coffee machine, his mind still racing.  His phone vibrated.  The gynecologist had arrived.  He ran back to her room.

 

He got back just in time to find his wife crying.  Liv and Amanda were trying to hold their tears back, but it wasn’t working.

 

“Mr. Barba, can I speak to you privately?”

 

“Yes. Please.”

 

They stepped into the hallway.  Nothing could have prepared Rafael for what came next.

 

“Mr. Barba, I’m afraid one of the babies was lost in this incident and the other one is barely hanging on.  I need to admit her for observation for the next 24-48 hours.  It is crucial that she remains on bedrest for that time.”

 

The hand holding his coffee clenched, causing the hot liquid to pour over his hand.

 

“Are you fucking serious?”  His voice caught on his tears.  This was his fault.

 

“I’m so sorry.  Let’s go back in and discuss our next plan of action.”

 

He rushed past the doctor and to his wife, tears pouring from his eyes.  He had caused her all this pain.

 

“Raf.  I’m so sorry.  I should have fallen a different way.  Please forgive me.”

  
“No! Lo siento, mi amor!  I should be sorry.  This is all my fault.  Please forgive me.”


	11. Chapter Eleven

“Rafael Fucking Barba! Let me up!”

“Helena, the doctor told you no. Please, lay back down. You’re going to put too much stress on yourself and the baby,” Rafael pleaded. She had finally been admitted and she was in her room in the hospital. 

Usually Helena could easily share her feelings, but this was different. She resorted to taking walks when she needed to clear her mind. Now it isn’t an option and that frustrated her more. And she had yet to see Sonny or get an update on him.

Olivia and Fin were back at the precinct trying to find more information on the incident. Amanda was officially on guard duty until a uni could get to the hospital, but it was looking like she was going to be there for the night. She kept walking to the nurse’s station to get an update, but they still had nothing to share.

“Anything new, Amanda?” Helena asked, even though she knew the answer.

“Not yet. But you need to stay in bed. I’ll handcuff you to the bed if I have to.”

“I like that idea. She’s a lot stronger than I figured,” Rafael said, trying to force a smile at his wife. 

Her lips turned up slightly at his comment, “I think I can do without that, Detective.”

A joke. Rafael felt relieved. Her other defense mechanism was making jokes. At least she could do that laying down.

Just then a nurse came in. “Helena Barba?”

“Yes?”

“I’m Sarah. I’m going to be your night nurse. Has dining services come up to take your dinner order?”

“I’m not hungry,” she said as her eyes shot out the window. 

“Yes. They did,” Rafael cut in. He mouthed, “I’m sorry” at her. Sarah just nodded. 

“Mrs. Barba, you will be getting a roommate soon. We are waiting for the paperwork to come through, but everything should be settled within the hour. Do you need anything before I leave?”

“Could I get some more water?” Helena’s voice cracked. It was dry from holding back tears.

“I’ll be right back.”

She really just wanted to be alone. There is only so much doting that Rafael could do and it was starting to make her anxious. She knew he was just as anxious, but she wanted what she wanted. She wanted both babies and Sonny to be alive and well. She closed her eyes and let the tears fall. Rafael and Amanda sat on both sides of her bed. Amanda tried to keep her tears at bay, but she couldn’t. She thought of her own issues around the time Jesse was born. At least Helena had a support system.

Rafael couldn’t keep it together. He is usually so put together and strong, but he looked so vulnerable. He abandoned his tie, jacket, and vest hours ago, his hair was ruffled, and his suspenders were sliding down his shoulders. His eyes were puffy and red and his nose was chaffed from blowing it all day.

Amanda was the first to notice movement on the other side of the room. A team of nurses was rolling the new roommate in. She stood to clear room for the nurses to move around and hook the patient up, but she stopped short and pulled the curtain back.

“It’s about damn time we heard from you, Carisi!” Amanda shouted.

Helena’s head shot up. “Sonny?! Sonny! Can you hear me? How are you?”

“I’m here, Helena. I’m sore, but I’m here,” he said groggily.

“Sonny, what happened?” Helena started sobbing.

“We were talking about how you made me fail that math test in high school and the next thing I knew I pushed you to the ground because I saw a gun. Are you okay?”

She kept sobbing. Rafael pulled the curtain back so she could see him better.

“My God, Hel. I’m sorry.”

“Sonny, I lost one of the babies and I might lose the other one too!”

Sonny was silent. He stared at her. This was his fault.

“Helena, I’m sorry. I didn’t think about that when I got you down. I’m so sorry.”

“No, Sonny. It’s not your fault. You were doing what you knew to do. You kept me safe. I should have fallen differently. Maybe on my back or something.”

“The doctor said if you had fallen a different way, things could have been worse,” Rafael interjected. He was feeling more at fault by the minute. He hadn’t forgotten about the pictures, but they weren’t his number one thought at the moment.

“What do you mean worse, Raf? Barba,” asked Sonny. He was starting to drift off to sleep.

“She got shot in the shoulder, Carisi,” he responded abruptly.

“Rafi, don’t do this. It’s not his fault.” Helena pleaded.

“I know, mi amor. I just think I could have stopped it,” Rafael said, putting his head down.

“What do you mean?” Amanda asked.

“A couple weeks ago, I prosecuted that guy associated with the Trapani family. In exchange for a lighter sentence, he gave us information about the family. Well, I got a packet of pictures of me and Helena, mostly Helena, leaving our building, out to eat, and at the doctor’s office. Liv was there when I opened it and that’s when you called about these two getting shot. Everything happened so fast and I didn’t get to read the note attached with the photos, but I recognized the monogramed ‘T’ immediately.”

Helena started to get up. He needed to be in her arms right now. 

“Helena Barba, lay your ass back down!” Amanda marched over and cuffed her to the bed. “You clearly don’t understand the term, ‘bed rest’.”


	12. Chapter Twelve

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This gets risqué towards the end. Ok, like halfway through. Nothing explicit, so your boss or the office snitch would have to be reading over your shoulder to see what’s happening. Also, I include a tribute to an OFC from the “Head Over Feet” series by @Ashiepants. When you’re done here, go read that. Or read that first. But don’t forget about my fic! And just a friendly reminder, I cross post on Tumblr. abrasivepersonalitytendersoul.tumblr.com.
> 
> And now…On With The Show!

Nobody slept that night. Helena and Sonny were given pain medication so they were in and out all night, Amanda couldn’t sleep as she was technically still on duty, and Rafael didn’t take his eyes off his wife all night. He relished the quiet. It was also his second worst enemy at the moment. Although he would never admit it, he was worried about Sonny. He had become an extension of the family. If anything would have happened to him, Helena would have been distraught, and seeing her in any agony was even worse for him.

This was no exception. She had reassured him this wasn’t his fault and he was beginning to accept it, but it still loomed over him. His perfect life had been shattered in a million pieces. He had forgotten what heartbreak felt like. He was going to have a wife and two beautiful children, and now a wife and one child. Or maybe no child. Helena was already nesting. She had started planning how his home office was going to be the coffee table and TV dinner trays so the babies could have the room. They had started registering for cribs, changing tables, strollers, and other larger items. They were still undecided on names. They had agreed on a girl’s name, but there was still some debate on a boy’s name. 

The next day, the OBGYN came to see her. Amanda had been relieved by a uni around 4 a.m. He was standing guard outside the room. The doctor reviewed the charts and vitals from overnight and called for an ultrasound. Waiting to be taken to radiology was like being in a nightmare you couldn’t wake up from. Sonny was trying to flirt with the nurses, but he still had heavy duty drugs in his system. Rafael took joy in his sorry attempt of picking up women. He’s going to need to marry a nurse considering how often he gets knocked around, Rafael thought to himself.

The tech came and got Helena for her ultrasound. The three of them made their way to the radiology lab. Rafael and the tech helped her into the stirrups.

The tech was quiet the whole time. He moved the wand around on her belly for a few minutes and left the room. He was back in a few minutes with Dr. Andrews. 

“What’s going on?” Helena asked. Her voice was shaky. Rafael grasped her hand tighter and started lightly rubbing her good shoulder.

“I need some time to look at these results. I will come to you when I have some answers,” the he said. His voice was very professional, which caused a look of concern on the Barba’s faces.

“Dr. Andrews, what’s happening?” Rafael asked again. He was using his courtroom voice. 

“That’s what I need to figure out, Mr. Barba. My assistant will take you back to the room and I will be up shortly.”

The five minute trip back felt like a century. They hadn’t gotten a chance to call their parents yet. Surely Helena’s family knew by now. Sonny’s family had been contacted, so her mom must have been the first to know.

They got back to the room and settled in just in time to catch a lovely young woman “nursing” Sonny to health.

“Jesus fuck, Carisi!” Rafael yelled. “What the literal hell is happening?”

The young woman shot up, Sonny still out in all his glory. She quickly covered him back up, wiped her mouth, and took a drink from his water cup. 

“She’s uh…she’s,”

“I’m a nurse. I was just administering a pain killer. And I was just leaving,” she said. Not making eye contact with Rafael.

“This is Alex. My girlfriend. She’s a nurse in the ER. And a good one at that,” Sonny cut in. He wasn’t completely with it. Rafael wasn’t sure if it was because he was still under some heavy medication or if he was getting blue-balled.

“I didn’t realize the hospital staff was so…friendly,” he said eyeing her up and down. “Have we met before?”

“Were you the guy that got a light bulb stuck up his ass on Labor Day?” she asked. 

“I don’t recall. But I try to make it a point to keep things away from my ass,” he snarked back.

“Objection! Perjury!” Helena yelled. 

Rafael glared at his wife. That was supposed to stay between them. And the strap on she bought him for his birthday.

“I didn’t think so. It was nice meeting you,” she scooted by Rafael and made her way back down the hall to the elevator.

“Dominick, you own me $50. You promised I would never see your dick after you got drunk at Stinky’s in Weehawken,” Helena held out her hand.

“Can I write an IOU?”

They had completely forgotten about the tech until he cleared his throat. He quickly placed Helena’s bed back in place, hooked her monitors back up, and ran out the door. Rafael shut the door and the trio started laughing.

“So what’s this about Sonny showing you his dick?” Rafael asked. He shot a silencing glance at the detective, still clearly excited about what had been happening moments prior, but it showed less.

“It’s nothing, Rafi. Sonny was making out with the bartender. They were going at it pretty hard, but I pulled him off her…or him. We never did figure that out. Long story short, he took a whiz in the parking lot and I was the only one sober enough to hold him up. And I didn’t get a drop of urine on me. I owe that to student-teaching at a preschool.”

“It’s not like you haven’t gotten urine on you before,” Rafael muttered under his breath. If he was going down for his fetish, he was taking her with him.

There was a knock on the door. It was Dr. Andrews. A reminder of why they were all there in the first place.


	13. Chapter Thirteen

There was a moment of awkward silence. 

No one wanted to have this conversation. They wanted to sit and relish having one baby. They wanted to go back to burying their heads so far into their work, they wouldn’t have time to think about this. They were supposed to be planning a future with their children. Then they were supposed to be planning a future with their child. They weren’t supposed to plan a funeral. They weren’t supposed to be in the hospital. They were supposed to be at the doctor’s office. They were supposed to be finding out the gender of their babies. They were supposed to pick out paint swatches for the babies’ room. There’s a million things they were supposed to do, but couldn’t. One thing they definitely couldn’t do was tune out the doctor. 

“Mr. Barba, you should have a seat. You look uneasy,” Dr. Andrews said.

Rafael sat. He looked at his wife. She looked at him. They expected the worst. They expected all hopes of a finally starting their family being shattered. They expected the doctor to hand them information about local funeral homes for burial. They expected to stop expecting.

“It seems as though there was a mistake in the ER. It looks as though the fall you experienced skipped a heartbeat in one baby, causing both hearts to beat in rhythm. Both babies are alive, but they also took quite a hit. Considering the amount of time for you to become pregnant, I’m going to order you on bed rest until at least the beginning of your third trimester. While bed rest is something very few expectant mothers want, the priority is for you to deliver two healthy babies.”

No one spoke. Everyone just stared at each other. A minute ago, everything was falling apart. Thirty seconds ago, it all came back together. Rafael didn’t know whether to kiss his wife or Dr. Andrews. Or Carisi for that matter. He played it safe and kissed his wife. She winced in pain. Her shoulder was throbbing. She was sobbing. 

“Would you like to know what you’re having?” Dr. Andrew asked.

“Oh my God! Yes!” Helena shouted.

“Well, it looks as though you are having a boy and a girl!” Dr. Andrews said happily.

“¡Dios Mio, mi amor! ¿Un chico y chica?” He didn’t realize he was speaking Spanish as he kissed her head. “¿Donde estas las fotos, Doctor?”

“Raf, you’re speaking Spanish again,” Helena corrected.

“Lo siento, mi amado. Where are the ultrasound pictures? I need to see my children.”

“They are being processed right now and put into your file. I’ll be sure you get copies as soon as possible. Congratulations, Mr. and Mrs. Barba.” Dr. Andrews shook their hands and left the room.

“Sonny! Did you hear that?! Both babies are alive!” Helena exclaimed.

There was no answer from his side of the curtain.

“Sonny?” Rafael asked.

He pulled back the curtain to find Sonny completely passed out. His morning round of pain medicine had kicked in and he was sound asleep.


	14. Chapter Fourteen

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I need help with a title still. I have nothing! Please send me ideas. And if you spend more time on Tumblr, you can find me at abrasivepersonalitytendersoul.tumblr.com. I'm on all the time so you're probably catch me. Or tweet me @TheCynicCritics.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I didn't think this was going anywhere.

The next two weeks were absolute hell. Not only had Olivia assigned either a uni or SVU detective to stay with Helena at all times, but the doctor had also told Helena she could walk around for about two hours a day, just not all at once. Rafael insisted that she have someone with her if she was going to get up. She hated bedrest. She hated feeling like she was no longer useful. They had worked out a plan where Helena could still do small things around the apartment so she could still feel productive and useful while still honoring the doctor’s orders.

Rafael would wake up first and take a shower. When he was done, he would wake Helena and help her to the restroom. He would start a shower for her and when she was in and was confident in standing, he would lay out the ingredients that Helena would need to put in the crockpot for that evening’s dinner, and start a pot of coffee. 

Usually by this time, she was finished with her shower and ready to get out. Rafael would walk her back to the bedroom and would sit her down on the bed while she told him what she would wear that day. He would lay her clothes on his side of the bed, then get dressed for work. She would make comments about how sexy he looked in certain suits and gave her input on his attire. He was more than capable of picking out his own clothes, but since date nights consisted of take out and HGTV, he enjoyed his morning date. 

At this point, the coffee would be done and he would start on his first cup. He would also begin making Helena tea. He gathered up clean laundry from the night before and would put it within her reach if she was sitting up on the bed. She usually had laid back down at this point. Rafael would sit next to her and hold her. He would feel her belly, trying to feel his son or daughter kick. Sometimes he would sit at the foot of the bed and rub her feet and ankles. They were starting to swell, and no matter how many times she made a comment about how she looked, he would always pull her close and reassure her that she was the most miraculous and beautiful thing on the planet.

By now it was time for him to leave. He did one final check to make sure she had everything she needed, made sure the new guard had showed up, poured the rest of the coffee into his thermos, and made his way to the office.

The Trapani Family had been quiet since the day of the shooting. It was no longer a matter of if they struck again, but when. Rafael had pushed the open and shut cases on the new attorneys fresh from whatever law school they came from. He dedicated his spare time to building a case against the Trapani’s. It was easier said than done. SVU had been able to trace the photos and note back to a print shop in Brooklyn that was known to be a front for the Trapani’s drugs and girls. Every other lead was flimsy at best. Franky J wasn’t as high up the food chain as he thought. Rafael had been able to put together enough to put the fall guys away for a few years, but nothing against the higher ups could stick.

They had gotten the shooter a few days after the incident. Franky J had identified him. The shooter was going to go away for a long time for shooting an NYPD detective and the ADA’s wife. At least that was taken care of. Rafael could sleep a little better at night.

Rafael had worked it out with the DA that he was on a relatively consistent schedule and could be home before 6 every night. He was going to enjoy that while he could. Even though Helena couldn’t do much around the apartment, she always had it in ship shape. Either she enlisted the help of the day watch or she wasn’t listening to the doctor.

Just like in the morning, they had an evening routine. When Rafael came home, he would change into something less constricting, and then help with the final preparations for dinner. It was mostly setting the table and getting Helena to sit down while he grabbed drinks for dinner. He would bring the crockpot over and they would sit and talk about his day. He never shared any details about the Trapani case with her. God forbid anything else were to happen to her, he wanted her to have deniability. Hopefully it would save her life.

Rafael would clean up. He would set a chair by the counter so Helena could sit down. He would wash dishes and she would dry them. After the dishes were put away, they would settle on the couch. He would either go over case files for the next day or he would read a book. Helena would write out her lesson plans to email to the various subs watching her classes. This would often take them into the night. They would call it a day around 10pm then head to bed. Helena would play with Rafael’s hair as he fell asleep. She would drift off shortly after and they would get up and do it again the next day.

Fridays don’t vary much from this schedule. Except for the fact that it’s take out night. This week’s cuisine was the Barba’s personal favorite: Chinese. They made it a habit of buying dinner for whoever their night guard was. It was awkward enough having a personal bodyguard outside the door at all hours, so they tried to make the most of it. Helena felt like she was being babysat all day, but Rafael breathed a little easier knowing someone was there if she fell or needed help with something. He knew he came off as a sassy asshole most of the time, but deep inside he was grateful.

Rafael was home right at 6. He found Helena sitting on the couch, feet propped up on a pillow on the coffee table, researching on the computer. He went to the bedroom, changed his clothes, and sat next to his wife. 

“I ordered the food while I was checking the mail. It should be here in 20 minutes or so,” he said as he placed a kiss on her cheek. “What are you working on? More lesson plans?”

“You could say that,” she replied with a smirk.

“Would you explain what you mean by that?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.

“You know, I find it really attractive when you’re a lawyer at home. So commanding. Dominant. Sexy.” She traced the inside of his thigh while she spoke. “If I was on trial and you were prosecuting me, I would do anything to get you to release me.”

Rafael let out a soft moan. He tilted his head back and bit his lip. He wanted this. He needed this.

“The doctor told you not to do anything strenuous. We can’t. You know this,” he couldn’t believe what he was saying. He had never hated the Trapani Family more.

“Well, I was doing some research and I discovered that we could. We would just have to be extra careful. And you’d probably have to do most of the work.”

“Helena, Yahoo Answers is not sound medical advice. I want to have sex as much as you do. Trust me. I just don’t think it’s a good idea. Why don’t we ask the doctor next week when we go in?”

“Rafael, the study I read was from Harvard Medical School. I think they’re pretty reputable.”

“Actually, the medical students are a bunch of jackoffs. They won the softball tournament every year I was there and it was only because their captain would blow the umpire before every game.”

“Bitter, much?”

“Bragging rights and free drinks at ‘The Bar’ bar was a big deal. Not to mention the attention from the ladies. After one of the games that year, I had this first year come up to me and-”

She shot him a death glare. He had come a long way from his law school days and some days his playboy tendencies would sneak through, but it was still awkward hearing his stories. When they got together, she wasn’t quite as experienced. As in, he was her first. She had been raised to reserve that part of her for someone special and she had fallen into the same trap that many young girls fall into: that the man she married would have done the same for her. It took her a while to sort through that with him and they got through it together, but it was occasionally still a touchy subject for her. 

“I’m sorry. If you think you are up to it, I am too. I just want you to be sure and safe.” He grabbed her hand and squeezed it. He was so lucky to have a woman like Helena. And not because of this. She was equal in brains and beauty and would always give him a run for his money if they were arguing about something. She would have made an excellent lawyer. But she was an even better teacher. She belonged in the classroom. 

“I want to try. Or at least, give you a hand,” she squeezed his thigh and he jumped a little.

There was a knock on the door. It was the uni. “Your food is here, Mr. Barba. Where do you want it?”

“On the counter is fine, Jerry. What did the delivery guy say I owed?” he reached for his wallet on the kitchen table. 

Everything went black.


End file.
